"'The time has come', the walrus said"

She's gone. I guess she's been "gone" for a while, but now I'll never see her again. I've had people in my life die, but it's never been someone so close to me before. My mom's mom and my Uncle T have passed, but neither of them I was very close to. It's nice to have the whole family together. It's nice that people bring us lots and lots of food. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay. I guess they're expecting me to break down and cry in their arms, but that's one thing I refuse to do. Last night when the family was over at Nonnie and Papa's, I walked outside to the pool. The pool that I swam in as a baby when my parents were still together. The pool my siblings and I used to swim in every Sunday afternoon after church in the summer. The same pool I'd had so many birthday parties at. It was in that moment, that I let myself break down. I cried and I mourned. I thought of all the wonderful memories I have with my Nonnie and wished that Ally and Ashlyn will remember some of them. I realized that she isn't coming back and that she won't be here for Christmas's or Thanksgivings or graduations or marriages. I allowed myself the time for closure and to be at peace with her death. There's no telling how the funeral and viewing will go over the next two days, but what I do know is how many people will be there. My grandparents have touched so many people's lives and it's so inspiring. They really are the epitome of what grandparents should be and I couldn't be more proud to call them mine. Nonnie, you were always such a great role model for my siblings and me. I miss you so much and I'll miss you every day. I'm so happy that I got to spend so much time with you in the last few months of your life and I wouldn't take it back for the world.