It's a hard knock life for emotional women, such as myself. By emotional, I don't just mean sad or depressed, but the whirlwind of emotions felt everyday. I can so easily go from being upset to happy and I wear all my emotions on my sleeve. It's so surreal going from a life where I could openly talk to my partner about anything and everything on my mind to having to remember that not everyone is like that. It's like I have to watch what I say and how I say it now and I hate that. I'm used to being able to express myself in every way. I miss having someone to come home to to tell about my day. Someone who would listen to everything I had to say and who always looked forward to me coming home. Someone I could lay in bed with and watch t.v. or talk until the wee hours or the morning.
My Nonnie, who is my heart, held my hand yesterday and said, "I know you're going through a really hard time, but you are loved. You've got such a big heart and the right person won't take that for granted." That was all it took for the walls I've been building brick by brick to come tumbling down. I've been working so hard on hardening my heart, because I am exhausted of getting hurt. I can't stand crying in front of my little sisters, because it makes me feel so weak. I've only cried in front of my father once (as an adult). My dad got upset with Nonnie for making me cry, because he's been trying so hard to make sure that no one talks about the divorce in front of me. There's a lot of emotional wreckage I'm trying to clean up and trying to piece my life together and all I need is time.
What a strange, emotionally exhausting time in my life this is. This too shall pass.
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